An Open Letter to Bay Area Drivers

Disclaimer: I often get frustrated driving around wherever I go in California. I know my statements below are large generalizations and there are probably plenty of transplants, like myself, and other people who actually know how to drive. Trouble is, I haven't met them yet. Also, in my own defense, stereotypes don't come from nowhere, enough people need to do the same dumb/weird thing for the stereotypical observation to be made. And yes, I know I am not a perfect driver and I have a bit of a flair for the dramatic. 

Dear Arch Enemies,

Daily driving in the San Francisco Bay Area can be an interesting journey. I've had a pretty good sampling of driving times and days but I still cannot understand the 2:30pm Saturday highway traffic jams with no accident or even an interesting traffic stop to pass by. Everyone just seems to decide to slow down all at the same time. I don't get it.

I understand that there are a lot of people here, all smooshed into a small strip of land between either the ocean and the bay or the bay and the mountains. It's a lot of people moving around a small area. But really there aren't that many people. San Francisco's population in 2010 was just over 800k and San Jose just over that with 945k. By comparison, Chicago (just the city) has a population of 2.7 million. Geographically, SF is 231 square miles and Chicago is 234 square miles. Just sayin, learn how to drive around other people please.

What is the aversion to putting carts in the cart corrals? Actually, why don't some stores even have any? I seriously don't understand this one. The parking lots are crowded because you have a bunch of "water quality improvement areas" (read: small strip of overgrown grass in between most parking lot aisles) and just a bunch of cars, then you decide not to walk your cart back to the front of the building. Instead you put it half in the "water quality improvement area" and half into the spot I was going to park in but then found your old cart. Not cool.

This is an all too common occurrence

Sign reads: "Water quality enhancement area. Uneven Surface. Please do not cross."
For real?

While we're on the topic of parking lots....if your car is not compact, don't park in the compact car spot. Your car booty is going to hang out in the aisle making it difficult for others to get out of their spot or your car is too wide and you'll make it difficult for the compact car to pull into the normal car sized spot right next to you. Then you'll have to deal with butt holes like me who make it their personal challenge to get into the spot you've made almost impossible with your poor parking skills. One of these days I am going to regret doing this when a bad driver hits me trying to get out. Thankfully I am a good parker and will be able to show I was correctly in my spot while you pulled in like you were the only person in the parking lot.

A special shout out to all the Prius driver's in my office: did you all take driver's ed together? You must have all been taught to park by the same person because not a one of you can park straight.

Seriously?! The sad thing is that I can snap a picture of a Prius like this any day of the week, it is that common (this was taken late, after most people had gone home, hence the lack of cars surrounding this genius)

Come on man, get your act together

I have a lot of feelings about proper parking. I could go on for days but I'll spare you if you're still reading my crazy for some strange reason. 

New topic: Merging onto the highway, or as you call them, freeways. The rule of thumb is the person entering the flow of traffic is to get up to speed and alter themselves to enter the roadway. The person already on the highway should either get over to avoid stupid people who don't know how to merge or keep going at your current pace so the other person can match your speed and merge successfully. I believe 70% of Bay Area drivers have not been taught this way. Instead, people slow down to let someone merge in ahead of them. It drives me crazy! Get over or speed up, do not slow down. You are inviting someone to rear end you. 

Bicyclists: you too are drivers on the roads. San Francisco is one of the most bike friendly cities and that extends out into suburbia where I live. I think it is great that there are so many bike lanes and they're so wide, making it easy to drive past bikes in my car. However, many of you do not properly use the extra wide bike lane that has been provided. You insist on riding on the line dividing my lane from yours, occasionally casually swerving into my lane because you can't possibly ride exactly on the line the entire time. I get it, I like riding on lines, walking on lines; there is something about a track to go along that is very tempting. However, for both our safeties, please stay solidly in your lane when cars are approaching. It's not difficult and the world is safer for it. 

Speed Limits: Contrary to their name, in most of the country the speed limit is more of a speed minimum. Especially on the highway. What I have observed is people typically going 5 under on surface roads and exactly the limit on the highway. Why? I know there are laws and such but really, come on, live a little and try going 5 over. It's exhilarating, I promise.

I could go on and on and on and on about the woes of Bay driving. I suppose I'll get used to everything eventually. But until then...if you're a Bay Area driver, please think about some of your peculiar habits. I hope you may want to reconsider some of them.

Sincerely,
A frustrated transplant driver


*I originally wrote this post in early November but did not post it because I wanted to let myself cool off and edit a couple of times before sharing with the world. The above thoughts are the the ones that made the cut and weren't too scathing to put on the internet. All in all: I can't stand California drivers, even after 6 months to get used to them.